Location: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler

Raw starts. There’s no pyro or tron to start off the show. A drum roll plays.

CM Punk opens up Raw over the P.A. system. He announces the results of TLC. He plays a little trivia game with the fans while using the tron. He asks them who won the WWE Title Match. Was it Alberto Del Rio, The Miz, or “the greatest wrestler in the world” CM Punk? Sure enough it was Punk, and he heads down to the ring with the WWE title. He says that despite bodies flying everywhere in the TLC match, he managed to retain his WWE title. He moves on to ask the fans who won the US title match at TLC, once again using the tron. Was it Dolph Ziggler or Zack Ryder? The winner was (“spoiler alert”) Zack Ryder!

Zack comes down to the ring with the U.S. title. He fist pumps and Punk joins in.

Punk continues by saying that he’s saving the biggest for last. Last night there was a chairs match for the World Championship between Mark Henry and Big show. Who won?

Drumroll plays again. Was it Mark Henry? Or was it Big Show?

Punk: “Well it actually WAS the Big Show, but then the unthinkable happened.”

It does him proud to be able to say that none other than Daniel Byan walked away the World Champion.

Daniel Bryan comes down to the ring with the World Title.

Cole: “I’m going to be physically ill.”

Bryan and Punk share a hug.

Punk says that Philadelphia, a city rich in pro wrestling history, would appreciate seeing all three of them with titles. Who would’ve thought that he and Bryan, who met ten years ago at the Murphy Rec Center in Philly, would wind up in a WWE ring as champions. He says he has no filter, but it’s not about him. It’s about Bryan and Ryder, guys who work their way to the top. Guys who eat, sleep and breathe wrestling. They break their backs for the fans, and the fans show their appreciation. He wants to hear from the new champions.

Ryder says he couldn’t believe it and he had to ask his dad. His dad said “WOO WOO WOO! YOU KNOW IT!”

Bryan on the mic. Punk said that nobody believed him to be WWE Champion, but others didn’t even believe he should be in WWE, including Michael Cole.

Cole says he shouldn’t even be here.

Bryan says that he IS here, and he’s not just any champion, he’s the World Heavyweight Champion!

Miz comes out to no music. Then Ziggler comes out followed by Del Rio. They make their way down to the ring and surround the champs. They charge, and the champs keep them out of the ring. Miz, Del Rio and Ziggler huddle to formulate a plan, but plans change when Ryder dives out of the ring and lands on Ziggler. Miz tosses Ryder into the steps and all three retreat up the ramp. Punk and Bryan run after them, but Laurinaitis appears to interrupt them. He says he gave each of them an opportunity at TLC. Some were successful while others weren’t. Being the creative general manager he is, he’s decided on tonight’s main
event. It’ll be Miz, Ziggler, and Del Rio to face Daniel Bryan, Zack Ryder, and CM Punk in a six man tag match. This is his Christmas present to the WWE Universe.

Kane returns tonight, and John Cena is going to speak out on it.

Up next, Wade Barrett and Randy Orton face off one on one.

-Commercial-

Back from break, Orton comes down to the ring first.

Barrett comes out next.

-Match One: Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett-

Bell sounds. Barrett kicks Orton and punches Orton into a corner. He kicks him down until the ref counts for a break. Barrett grabs Orton and whips him into the turnbuckle, but Orton counters with a clothesline. Orton punches and uppercuts him in the corner before going for a ten count punch. He only gets to four before
Barrett pushes him off. Barrett runs the ropes and Orton dropkicks him for a two count. Orton drives his knee into Barrett’s head. Barrett exits the ring and Orton joins him.He knocks him into the apron until Barrett kicks him down. He grabs Orton, lifts him up and drops him on the barricade before heading back into the ring leaving the ref to make a count on Orton.

-Commercial-

Back and Barrett kicks Orton away from him. He pins Orton to the ropes and strikes him with knees before kicking Orton out of the ring. Ref counts Orton, but Barrett exits the ring and grabs him. He drives Orton into the apron before sliding him in the ring for a two count. He applies a headlock to Orton, but the Viper fights out of it. Barrett goes for a kick, but Orton grabs him, clotheslines him twice and drops a powerslam. Orton brings Barrett to the apron and goes for the DDT, but Barrett lifts up Orton for Waste Land, but Orton fights out and hits the backbreaker. Orton goes for the DDT a second time and he hits it.Orton sets Barrett up for the RKO, but Barrett thumbs Orton in the eye causing an intentional disqualification.

Winner by Disqualification: Randy Orton

Barrett kicks Orton down and pummels him with punches. He lifts Orton up and drops him with The Winds of Change (spinning sidewalk slam). He exits the ring and pulls out a table. He slides the table in the ring and sets it up. Orton slowly gets to his feet, but Barrett boots him in the head and goes back to the table. Once set up, Barrett pulls up Orton and drops him with Waste Land through the table. Barrett taunts Orton before placing a foot on top of him and exiting the ring. Referees come down to help Orton up.

Cole and Lawler talk about the Triple H/Kevin Nash match. They show highlights of the ending to the match which include Nash falling off the ladder and going through a table before being carted off afterwards. He suffered multiple contusions and a nasal fracture that will take six weeks to recover.

Up next, Alicia Fox takes on Beth Phoenix.

-Commercial-

WWE Slam of the Week: Beth trying to take Kelly Kelly’s Slammy award away, but Kelly slaps her back.

Diva’s Champion Beth Phoenix comes down to the ring.

Alicia Fox comes down to the ring.

-Match Two: Beth Phoenix vs. Alicia Fox (non-title)

Bell sounds and Beth applies an arm lock. Alicia kicks Beth’s arm away and tries to whip her, but Beth counters and hits a sidewalk slam. She kicks Alicia in the ribs and lifts her up. Beth goes for a springboard vertical suplex, but it’s botched. Alicia gets to her feet, grabs Beth from behind and drops a reverse DDT. She then hits a flipping leg drop for the three count.

Winner by Pinfall: Alicia Fox

Alicia grabs a microphone.

Fox: “I hope everybody has a ‘Foxy’ holiday!”

She leaves the ring.

The Six Man Tag Match made earlier is the main event.

-Commercial-

Back from break, and EW.com is holding a contest for “Biggest Badass of the Year”. The Rock is one of the nominees. Go vote for him!

Sheamus comes out for a singles match.

They show a replay of last Friday on Smackdown when Sheamus beat Jinder Mahal with a Brogue Kick.

Jinder comes down to the ring with a microphone. He says that Sheamus has no class or honor. It’s about time that somebody puts him in his place. Jinder enters the ring

-Match Three: Sheamus vs. Jinder Mahal-

They tie up and Jinger gets behind Sheamus, but Sheamus throws him down. Sheamus attacks, but Sheamus retaliates. He whips Jinder into the ropes, but Jinder counters with a kick to the face followed by a high knee from the corner for a two count. Jinger applies a headlock, but Sheamus pushes him away. He hits Mahal with a couple forearm shots before whipping him into a corner and knocking him down with a clothesline. Sheamus climbs the turnbuckle and goes for a battering ram off the top, but
Jinder rolls out of the way. Mahal goes for an attack, but Sheamus counters and hits the Irish Curse Backbreaker. He then lifts Jinder up and drops the Celtic Cross for the three count.

Winner by Pinfall: Sheamus.

Up next, Kane returns and Cena speaks out.

-Commercial-

WWE Rewind: Cena/Henry main event with Kane coming out and chokeslamming Cena.

John Cena comes out and heads to the ring. He grabs a microphone.

Cena: “What I am about to say will be shocking.”

He says that you people won’t believe this, but there are some people out there who don’t like him. It caught him by surprise, but he can get under some people’s skin. Some of those people are here, some are not. His opponent Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, he says that he is ready for April 1st. He says he can understand why he hates him. What he doesn’t understand is why a monster came out and chokeslammed him. He likes to think that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. If he wasn’t, Cena will face his fears. If last week was an accident, bygones will be bygones. If not, they have business, and they should handle that business right now.

Mark Henry comes out.

Mark Henry: “You talkin’ about business? The business that you need to be concerned about is that I had you laying in the middle of that ring last week.”

If it hadn’t been for Kane, Cena would’ve been the newest member of the Hall of Pain. He sees him out here doing a monologue full of jokes. He’s not in the mood for jokes. He lost his World Title last night. He’s out here to address his injuries and why he lost. If he was him, he should get out of his face because he’s all the business he needs to worry about.

Henry and Cena stare each other down, but pyro erupts and Kane’s music plays. Kane comes out wearing the metal mask from last week. He heads down to the ring. Henry exits the ring, but Cena remains. Kane walks around the ring and makes his way to Henry. Henry says he’s hurt, but Kane just stares at him. He then turns his attention to Cena. Kane climbs up on the apron and takes his metal mask off to reveal his regular mask. Henry leaves the ringside area. Kane enters the ring and Cena punches him back. Cen runs the ropes and clotheslines Kane out of the ring. Kane lands on his feet, grabs Cena and pulls him out of the ring. He takes Cena and tosses him over the commentary table. Kane lifts
up Cena and lands a few punches followed by a jab to the neck. Kane grabs Cena’s face and suffocates him against the table causing Cena to pass out. Cena’s lip appears to be busted. Kane tears Cena’s shirt off and walks away with it, his music playing once more. Cena wakes up and watches Kane leave. Cena looks visibly shaken.

-Commercial-

Back from break, and a replay is shown of Kane attacking Cena.

Primo, Epico, and Rosa Mendes are already in the ring.

The Uso’s are on the ramp. They do their Samoan war dance before heading down to the ring.

Match Four: Primo & Epico vs. Jimmy and Jay Uso.

Jimmy and Epico start off. Jay soon joins in and they double team Epico for diving elbow/backbreaker combo. Jay takes Epico into a corner turnbuckle,but Primo distracts Jay and Epico dropkicks him down. Epico kicks Jay into the corner before tagging in Primo Primo grabs Jay and arm drags him before leg sweeping him. Primo tags and suplexes Epico onto Jay for the two count. Another two count, but no. Epico applies a headlock to Jay. Jay fights out of it, but Epico leg sweeps him. Jay tags in Jimmy and Jimmy with forearm shot followed by a full nelson slam to Epico. Jimmy runs and hits a running butt slam in the corner, but it’s broken up. Jay comes in, but is thrown out of the ring. Primo gets kicked in the back by Jimmy, but Epico hits the backstabber on Jimmy for the three count.

Winners via Pinfall: Epico and Primo

We cut to a promotional advertisement for Royal Rumble 2012.

Cut to backstage. Josh Matthews interview Cody Rhodes.

Cody says that what he just saw with Santino was the most ridiculous thing he’s ever seen, just as ridiculous as Booker thinking he could win against him at TLC. Santino appears behind Rodes holding a basket. Before their match, he wants to give Cody a present. Cody says he doesn’t want his present. Santino says he knows he doesn’t, because it’s a Christmas Cobra! Santino opens the basket and his hand wearing the cobra sock shoots out. Santino backs away while Cody looks at him with a perplexed look. Their match is up next.

-Commercial-

Back from break, and Santino makes his way to the ring.

Cody Rhodes makes his way to the ring with the Intercontinental Title

Match Five: Cody Rhodes vs. Santino Marella (non-title)

Bell sounds. Santino bows and shows some fancy footwork before Cody knocks him down. Cody lifts Santino and punches him in the corner. He hooks his arm to the ropes and twists it. He brings Santino to the center of the ring and hits a Russian leg sweep. Cody kicks Santino and smacks his arm on the mat. He stomps the arm and goes for a clothesline, but Santino ducks and hits an arm drag. He whips, but Cody counters and whips him into the corner. He charges and Cody gets hit in the ribs. Santino goes for The Cobra, but Cody ducks, lifts up Santino and drops him with an Alabama Slam for the three count.

Winner via Pinfall: Cody Rhodes

Cut to last week at Tribute to the Troops. Cena’s in the ring, and WWE wrestlers and celebrities are standing on the ramp. Cena says that the heart and soul of this event is the same as the heart and soul that defends the United States of America. A video package highlighting the show plays.

Six Man Tag still to come.

-Commercial-

Cut to backstage with The Bellas and Laurinaitis. They say they don’t appreciate what Teddy said to them at TLC. They bicker to one another about the other being afloozie. Laurinaitis says that the Board knows of their concerns, and he wishes them a Merry Christmas. They kiss him on the cheek and leave. Otunga and Vickie Guerrero show up. Vickie demands that Ziggler gets a rematch against Ryder. Hornswoggle suddenly appears with a mistletoe and kisses Vickie. Cue ear piercing scream.

Highlights of Punk, Bryan, and Ryder winning their matches at TLC.

Cut to backstage with Matthews and Big Show. Matthews asks Show what his state of mind is after losing the World Title to Bryan 45 seconds after winning it. He says he had it in his hands after nine long years of clawing and digging and scratching, but in seconds it went away. He was speechless when Bryan cashed it in. He says it was his fault because he encouraged Bryan to not wait until WrestleMania, and at TLC he cashed it on him. He gives the guy credit for living his dream. Matthews says Show’s can’t be that nice about it, he has the shortest World Championship reign in history. Awkward silence. Show looks mad, but says he’s okay and leaves.

Cut back to the ring and The Miz comes down to the ring for his match.

Dolph Ziggler comes out next.

Alberto Del Rio comes out in a 2009 Rolls Royce. Ricardo is not here tonight due to last night. He heads to the ring. As he does We are interrupted by yet another “End of the World” video. The focus of the video is on a little girl this time while the little boy has his back turned to a corner of the room. The girl says “I can’t help you anymore. Do you understand?” The word “Prophetless” appears on screen.

-Commercial-

Back from break with Miz, Del Rio, and Ziggler in the ring.

Ryder comes out from within the audience and heads to the ring.

Bryan comes out from within the audience as well and he too heads to the ring.

Punk, you guessed it, comes out from within the audience before heading to the ring.

All three enter the ring and hold up their titles.

Bell sounds. Punk and Miz start things off. Headlock to Miz followed be shoulder block for a two count. Arm lock to Miz and Punk tags in Bryan. The two whip Miz and double leapfrog over him into a dropkick by Bryan to a two count. Miz kicks Bryan away and tags in Ziggler. Ziggler enters the ring, but Bryan drop toe holds Ziggler and applies a brief leg lock submission before tagging in Ryder. The two whip Ziggler and double arm drag him out of the ring. Del Rio charges and the two side step him. He slips out of the ring. Miz charges and he’s back body drop out of the ring. Ryder, Bryan, and Punk leap off the ropes and knock down their opponents. They head back into the ring and taunt for the fans.

-Commercial-

Back and Bryan forearm clotheslines Miz. He kicks him in the chest, but Miz ducks a kick and hits a DDT for a two count. Miz tags Del Rio. Rio kicks Bryan into a corner. He snapmares Bryan and dropkicks him in the back of the head for a two count. He lifts Bryan up and tags Ziggler in. Ziggler punches Bryan, snapmares, and applies a headlock submission. Bryan fights out of it, runs the ropes, and Ziggler clotheslines him down for a two count. He lifts Bryan up and tags Miz in. Miz kicks Bryan and knocks him down. He hits a running kick to Bryan. He then lifts Bryan up and tags Del Rio in. Rio goes to Bryan, and Bryan hits him with European uppercuts before whipping him, but Del Rio counters and hits a running kick in the corner. He lifts Bryan up and applies an arm lock into a submission. Bryan gets out it and
runs the ropes only to get hit with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for a two count. Tag to Ziggler. Ziggler drags Bryan to a corner and punches him down. He then runs and dropkicks Bryan in the face. Bryan pulls out of the corner and makes a desperate tag to Ryder. Ryder enters the ring and clotheslines Ziggler down a couple times and follows it up with a face plant. Ryder runs and punches Ziggler in the corner before backing up and hitting the Broski Boot. He punches Rio and Miz off the apron before pinning Ziggler for a two count. Ryder gets Ziggler up, but Ziggler is able to dropkick him. Two count made. Ziggler tags Miz and Miz strikes Ryder with knees to the chest and then hits a running knee for a two count. Miz applies a headlock to Ryder. Ryder rolls Miz away off of him and goes for a tag, but Miz shoulder tackles him into his corner and then tags Del Rio in. Del Rio whips Ryder into another turnbuckle and Ryder back body drops Rio out of the ring. Ryder crawls his way to Bryan and Punk. Rio gets in the ring and tags Miz. Soon after Ryder tags Punk. Punk hits a springboard clothesline to Miz followed by neckbreaker. He sets Miz in the corner and hits the clothesline followed by a bulldog. Punk then scoop slams Miz and climbs to the top turnbuckle. He jumps off and hits the elbow drop. for a two count. Punk goes
for Anaconda Vice, but Ziggler enters and breaks the hold. Ryder pulls Ziggler out of the ring and clotheslines him down. Miz tags Del Rio while Punk tags Bryan and Bryan dropkicks him down from off the top. Punk grabs Miz and hits GTS on him. Punk gets attacked from behind by Del Rio. Bryan goes for a kick to the head, but Rio ducks it and tosses Bryan shoulder first into the turnbuckle post. Rio pulls him off and goes to apply the Cross Arm Breaker, but Bryan counters it into the Lebell Lock and Del Rio taps.

Winners via Submission: CM Punk, Zack Ryder, and Daniel Bryan.

All three celebrate with their titles, and Raw comes to an end.

– Vince McMahon has been pushing Alberto Del Rio to show more “ruthless aggression” in the ring and work a more physical style. This is the reason Del Rio has been working stiffer in recent weeks.

RAW is lacking strong heels, with The Miz not being seen as a legitimate tough guy at this point. Vince thinks Del Rio has the size, toughness and gimmick to be a permanent main event heel, but he needs to come across as more dangerous in the ring.

Del Rio recently injured his groin on a recent episode of RAW. He was able to finish his match, but had to be helped out of the ring and was checked out backstage. Despite his pain, the injury is not believed to be serious.

– WWE is in talks with Shed Media, the company behind Tough Enough, to help produce new reality programming for the WWE Network.

With WWE looking to run new reality-based programming, the company is to film television episodes the week that they are set to air on television. This is unlike what most reality shows do (ie. UFC’s Ultimate Fighter), which is to film the entire season before the first episode airs. Filming the whole season at once allows producers to see where storylines are going and produce the show accordingly.

Booking the show on a week-to-week basis will hurt their ability to tell long-term shorelines, which some have joked is similar to how WWE television is written.

* PICTURE of CHRIS JERICHO, SAMOA JOE, Bully Ray & Christian Together

(Source: Wrestling Observer Newsletter)

Canton’s Corner: Thoughts on Orton, Cena and Lesnar – January 1
By John Canton
Follow me on Twitter at @johnreport

Happy New Year! Welcome to Canton’s Corner. Normally this gets posted on Saturday, but it was New Year’s Eve and I was out of town, so this week only it’s getting posted on a Sunday. We’re ditching the regular format for this week because I haven’t seen all of Impact (just the main event) or Smackdown (just the main event ending). This week’s CC features three commentaries on three big names in the wrestling business: Randy Orton, John Cena and Brock Lesnar. Let’s begin with the polls as always.

Last Week’s Poll Results
The poll question was: When will Daniel Bryan lose the World Heavyweight Title? The results after nearly 1,700 votes:

January 2012 — 44.94%
February 2012 — 26.37%
April 2012 — 11%
March 2012 — 5.62%
June 2012 or later — 4.85%
December 2011 — 4.73%
May 2012 — 2.48%

I’m not surprised by the results. It means that 70% of you believe that he is going to lose the World Title by February’s Elimination Chamber PPV. I voted for February in the poll. If I was booking it, he’d retain at WrestleMania and then lose it at another PPV. However, I don’t see WWE keeping him that strong for that long. It would be nice if they did that, but I’d be surprised if he made it past Elimination Chamber as the World Champion.

This Week’s Poll Question: How many more matches will Brock Lesnar have in WWE?
The subject of this week’s poll is related to Brock Lesnar. My opinion on the matter is coming below, but I want to know what YOU think. The question is how many more matches do you think he will wrestle in World Wrestling Entertainment? Vote below.

It’s a tough one with a lot of different opinions out there. If you think he’ll never wrestle for WWE again then obviously pick zero, but if you believe he has more matches left then go with one of the other choices. It’s one of those polls where I really have no idea what the masses are thinking.

Is Randy Orton’s Back Okay?
The short answer to that one is a “yes I think so.” I’m no doctor. I don’t know what the exact injury is that Randy Orton may have, but apparently he is dealing with a back injury. At the end of Smackdown, as he was having a Falls Count Anywhere match with Wade Barrett, they shot an angle where it appeared as though Barrett had thrown Orton down a flight of stairs. They shot it in a way where Barrett was at the top of the stairs, the camera guy was behind a door filming it and when he got through the door, Orton was at the bottom of the flight of stairs writhing in pain to end the show. This came on the heels of a WWE report (first on Twitter, then on WWE.com) on Tuesday night saying Orton was injured. Immediately, rumors were flying.

Was Orton really hurt or is it just a storyline? It would appear that there’s some legitimacy to the injury, but ultimately it’s just a storyline that will keep him out of action while he heals up. In the days that followed there were reports from various internet “experts” (I use quotations there strongly) that suggested that perhaps he was out for six months from the injury. They had even used PWInsider.com, usually a respected source of info, as the site reporting it although they never did such a thing. Then there was some theory out there that maybe he was actually suspended for failing a Wellness Policy test and that the back story was a cover up. I didn’t buy that one either. The other piece of news was from the Smackdown house shows during the week where Wade Barrett got on the microphone to say that Orton would be out for six months. I think that is WWE’s way of mocking that six month injury rumor. Guess what? Heels lie. It’s probably not true.

What’s the likely explanation for all of this? Let’s turn to the man himself for his thoughts on it. In response to a fan question on Twitter about his injury status, @RandyOrton said this on Saturday: “Pain free at the moment. I do some kind of therapy/rehab every morn and night. Funny to sit back and watch the rumors.” That doesn’t seem like the kind of response from somebody dealing with a major injury, does it?

I think this was all done as a storyline reason to give Orton a month off from house shows as well as television. Apparently he does have a legitimate back injury although likely not as severe as the “WWE.com doctor” would have you believe. With the Royal Rumble taking place in Orton’s hometown of St. Louis (go Rams…ugh) on January 29th, he’s always been considered the favorite to win. Yes, I know WWE has a tendency to book wrestlers poorly in their hometowns, but I think a PPV like the Rumble is the perfect place to do an angle where babyface Orton wins in St. Louis. By doing the angle the way they did, he can take time off to recover from his back injury and not take bumps while wrestling on the road three times per week plus the two TV shows per week. It’s understandable the guy gets a break from the road. He’s earned it. And if he’s injured to the point that he needs to heal up then let him take the time to get better.

It’s easy to book the scenario in the Rumble too. Wade Barrett can be in the ring along with two or three others as they get near the end, #29 enters, Orton’s song plays (either as a surprise entrant or they can say he’s in the match if they so choose) and the crowd goes nuts as Barrett has his “oh crap he’s gonna kill me” look on his face. Then Orton eliminates Barrett as well as everybody else to win the match. I realize that people will moan at the idea of Orton winning the Rumble considering he’s been heavily pushed or nearly a decade now. Guess what? We got a new, fresh winner in Alberto Del Rio last year. It’s probably going to be a veteran this year. That’s why I’m going with Randy Orton.

I’m a Randy Orton fan. I think 2011 was the best year of his career in terms of in ring performance. He was durable, he had great matches with a lot of people and he remains very popular with the fans. It’s not like he gets booed by the fans despite being a heavily pushed babyface. He’s still over, so his spot is justified. Giving him a month to recover from a back injury makes sense to me. This “breaking news” ordeal was a good lesson for those that want to believe everything they read. Be smart about it, people.

Is Randy Orton going to be okay? Even though we may not see him again until Sunday January 29th at the Royal Rumble, I do believe he’ll be just fine.

What’s next for the John Cena angle?
Heading into first Raw of 2012, there are a lot of things that interest me on WWE’s flagship show. One of those things is the future of John Cena. For the first time during his run as a top guy, which has been going on for over six years now, WWE is running an angle that is playing up to those famous “Cena Sucks” chants. Sure, they acknowledged them in the past, but not in the way they are doing it now. They are selling “Cena Sucks” shirts at WWE events as well as on WWEShop.com and reportedly they are doing very well. On Twitter, Cena claimed that they had wanted to do the shirts in 2008. He told them no, but now apparently he doesn’t care anymore. I’m sure he cares that it helps his bankroll, though. He’s no dummy.

Getting back to the angle, we’ve seen both Roddy Piper & Kane lecture Cena about how much people are booing him. They’re wondering what John really feels. The last Raw of 2011 left us with John Cena pondering the words of the crazy guy that wears a mask on his face. How will Cena react to all of this? I’m actually intrigued by it. I honestly don’t know where this is headed.

The most common question I get asked by readers on a daily basis is: “When will John Cena turn heel?” That’s what everybody wants to know all the time. It’s understandable considering his babyface run has lasted for over seven years with the last six years being at a main event level. He’s been booed loudly at a number of events through the years such as One Night Stand 2006 in NYC, Unforgiven 2006 in Toronto and Money in the Bank 2011 in Chicago among others. At no point, though, did I think that he would turn into a fully fledged heel.

Now the thought of a heel turn is a possible scenario. Will it happen in 2012? I say no. I think they are doing this angle to build up the idea of it being possible so that people can watch every week thinking that Cena will snap on somebody like his innocent buddy Zack Ryder, but ultimately I think this is all a tease. Heading into WrestleMania 28, which is likely to do the biggest PPV buyrate in company history, the idea will be to continue these “what will Cena do?” type of scenarios. I don’t see him turning heel, though. I think the “shades of grey” idea will work. They know he’s going to get mostly booed at WrestleMania 28 in Rock’s hometown, so why no play that up? It’s a way to build up to the match in an effective manner, so I applaud WWE for doing it that way. It’s smart booking. I’d assume they have a long term plan in place from now until WrestleMania. I’m looking forward to seeing what’s next. That’s not something I may typically say about a Cena angle, but they’ve done a good enough job with it that I’m intrigued going forward.

I’ll be writing a “Rumbling to Mania” column soon, likely next week. In that column I’ll try to forecast where stories are going from now until WrestleMania. In Cena’s case, it’s hard to guess what that direction will be. I think he’ll be in the Royal Rumble, make it far, but not win and then it’s possible that he wins the WWE Title at Elimination Chamber if it’s on the line there. The reason it’s possible is because in February Vince McMahon could think that the Cena/Rock match would mean even more if the WWE Title was on the line. I hope it doesn’t happen because the WWE Title is perfectly fine on CM Punk, but I can see McMahon’s viewpoint on it as well.

The honest answer is I’m not sure what is in Cena’s future. I like it, though. It’s better not knowing. Let’s just hope that whatever plans WWE creative has is something interesting because if anybody on the roster needs a hot angle it’s John Cena.

Will Brock Lesnar return to WWE?
When it was announced a few months back that Brock Lesnar would be in the WWE ’12 video game there was a lot of speculation that maybe one day he’d be back in World Wrestling Entertainment. After years of perceived bad blood between WWE and Lesnar, it finally looked like they were smart enough to do business again. The Legend’s Contract he signed allowed him to be in video games as well as potential lucrative deals for action figures and other merchandising opportunities. Despite signing the Legend’s Contract he still had his UFC deal, which means he can’t wrestle in WWE as long as he has that. It’s an exclusive contract.

Lesnar’s history is interesting. After a highly successful collegiate wrestling career at Minnesota University, he went to WWE in late 2000, spent over a year training in OVW, got pushed as the top guy faster than anybody in the history of the company in 2002 (including a WWE Title win over The Rock at Summerslam), and then walked away in 2004 to try to make the Minnesota Vikings of the NFL. I think it was more a case of hating WWE’s travel schedule than it was him wanting to be a NFL player. When that venture failed, he was at a crossroads in his career. In 2008 he made the move to UFC, which seemed like a great fit considering his amateur background. Even though he lost his first fight to Frank Mir, he recovered from it, won four straight fights and also went on to win UFC’s Heavyweight Title. In late 2009 he got sick and two years later it’s safe to say that he never fully recovered from that.

On Friday night in Las Vegas, Lesnar lost his main event fight to Alistair Overeem in under three minutes. He barely attacked Overeem. He knew it was over likely before he even stepped foot in the ring. Overeem didn’t even knock him out with head shots. He went after his ribs, kicking at them repeatedly until Lesnar collapsed to the mat while giving up, not wanting to take more punishment. Overeem’s a very good fighter that might have beat Lesnar even if Brock was healthy, but it was clear that Lesnar was off his game. Lesnar’s had two different bouts with an illness called diverticulitis, which is an intestinal disorder that required surgery. After the loss, Lesnar retired with a UFC record of 5-3. He promised his wife, former WWE diva Sable, that he’d retire if he lost the fight. At 34 years old, Lesnar’s UFC career is over. A lot of people change their mind when they retire in MMA, but I believe Lesnar. He is done as a MMA fighter.

As for his future, I fully expect Brock Lesnar to try to get out of his UFC deal so that he can wrestle for WWE again, most likely as soon as WrestleMania 28. The question is will UFC let him? I don’t think it will be easy. Like I said, he had an exclusive deal with UFC. He still has that deal even though he’s retired. If UFC President Dana White wants to keep him under contract he has every right to do that even though Lesnar will never fight for his promotion again. Or he could freely let him go, realizing that he can’t make money off Lesnar’s name again. I think WWE may have to get creative in terms of paying off the remainder of his UFC deal in order to acquire his talents. That’s just a guess. I just don’t think Dana White will let him go that easy.

There are some obvious pros & cons to a Lesnar return to WWE. I could write a future column about that, but for now just the main points.

Pro – His name is bigger now than it was when he left WWE in 2004. He’s the biggest box office draw in the history of MMA with his last four fights doing over 1 million PPV buys and the one from Friday likely topped that number too. Sure, his WWE history helped his star power in UFC, but you can also say that being in UFC helped Lesnar’s star power as well. According to ESPN, Lesnar made $5.3 million in estimated prize money and PPV share in 2010. That’s off two fights. Huge money. While I don’t know how much money the top WWE performers make in a year, I don’t think John Cena has topped that figure in a year although I believe that Steve Austin did in 1999. The point is that Lesnar’s name carries a lot of weight these days. For a company like WWE that could use help in the ratings & PPV buyrate department, there is a lot of monetary value in a Brock Lesnar return. His name is even more valuable knowing that WrestleMania is taking place three months from today.

Con – By bringing back another name from the past, you are hurting the future talents of the business. Lesnar’s a prideful guy that walked away from the company, so who knows how loyal he would be? If he came back as a babyface, would he be willing to put over a rising heel like Dolph Ziggler or Cody Rhodes in the same manner that Rock, Undertaker & Angle put Brock over? I’m not so sure about that. Also, even though I respect Lesnar, he is somebody that changes his mind a lot. I don’t think he’d want to be back full time. With that in mind, how well would that sit with others in the locker room? I would hope that a lot of the guys would put their egos aside to realize that Lesnar means more eyeballs on the product, which means more money for all of them. As we’ve seen many times in wrestling over the years, ego is a very powerful thing. You can’t really predict what people will think.

Will Lesnar return to WWE? I think so. He was a good wrestler for WWE. He worked well as a babyface or a heel, he had good matches with a number of different opponents (Angle was the best of them) and he was improving when he decided to leave in 2004. I don’t know when or how many matches he will have, but it would be foolish for WWE to not explore the opportunity. I also get the feeling that Lesnar wants to do it too. My guess is that a return for WrestleMania 28 is possible, especially if they can make a lucrative match like Undertaker vs. Lesnar happen. Once again, though, the fact that he has an exclusive contract with UFC makes it hard for me to believe that he’ll be available to be used by WWE so soon. I think something could be worked out by perhaps Summerslam or maybe wait until next year’s WrestleMania. It depends on a lot of factors such as if he wants to come back (I assume he does), what kind of schedule he would have (I’d guess no more than 5 matches in a year), what his role would be heel (a heel bully would be an awesome role) and who his opponents would be (there are dozens to choose from). As mentioned, there are a lot of issues that need to be resolved before we see Brock Lesnar in a WWE ring. It’s not as easy as signing a contract.

One thing’s for sure. If you follow WWE regularly, you know that rumors persist 24/7/365 (or 366 days in this leap year). I have a feeling that in 2012, it will be the year of the Brock Lesnar rumors. Needless to say, this new development has me excited about WWE in 2012 even more than I was before.

Here comes the pain? I sure hope the pain comes back…home.

Random Clip of the Week
Since I wrote about Orton, Cena and Lesnar this week, I thought it would be fitting to share a video about them. My first inclination was to share the Cena/Lesnar match from Backlash 2003. It was when Lesnar was the babyface WWE Champion against the cocky heel John Cena. I figure that one is more known, though. Then I stumbled upon this match. It’s Brock Lesnar as a heel WWE Champion in 2002 (managed by Paul Heyman) against a rookie named Randy Orton, who was just 22 years old at the time of this match. If you don’t want to watch the whole match that is fine. Just be sure to click play, go to the 5:25 mark of the video and watch how incredible the finish is. Orton hits a crossbody, Lesnar catches him, rolls through, puts him on his shoulders and hits a spectacular F5 to win the match. That’s a perfect example of how good an athlete Lesnar is.

I miss that theme song too. I’ll mark out if he makes the return.

Melo Out with Steve Melo

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all enjoyed the holiday season and are looking forward to 2012 as much as I am. First off, I just want to kindly thank everyone that took the time to read last weeks edition of Canton’s Corner which was taken over by me. I really do appreciate all the feedback from all of you. I enjoy doing banners and artwork for the site as both a wrestling fanatic and as a creative outlet away from my everyday life of doing typical Graphic Design work. John is a good guy too, even if he can only afford to pay me in sexual favours, but that’s a story for another time.

I was going to talk about RAW, but John has already covered that in the RAW Deal. I could also talk about Smackdown, but Andrew has taken care of that as well. So rather than go with the usual negative bitch fest of the shows as I normally would do, I am going to talk about something that a lot of people have been talking about since Friday and that is the retirement of Brock Lesnar from UFC.

I don’t want to talk about the fight or if he took a dive and all that stuff. I don’t even want to get into all the “so when is Brock Lesnar coming back to the WWE?” debacle since I, like all of you, have no idea when his UFC contract is actually up. What I want to talk about is a little fantasy booking I thought would be cool since I don’t normally do that sort of thing and I thought it would be fun for a change.

Besides all the buzz surrounding Lesnar now, there has been a lot of buzz with these cryptic videos that have aired on RAW the last couple of weeks. Many believe it is for the return of Chris Jericho and I would have to agree. But you know what I think would be cool on tomorrow night’s RAW? Well, one would assume that the WWE Championship match between Dolph Ziggler and CM Punk will be the main event. One would also assume it would be going just after 11:00pm. Now let’s assume it is Jericho and that all these videos are being directed towards Punk. I think it would be cool to let them have their match, have some close falls, and even though I am not a big fan of having a match end due to interference, I think in this case it would be justifiable. I would have the arena go dark, play the last cryptic video without giving away who it is. Then silence and then have Brock’s WWE theme music play. Dolph Ziggler bails with fear and with all the focus of everyone geared towards the entrance ramp, Chris Jericho attacks Punk from out of nowhere from behind and gives him a long and brutal beating. His diversion worked. RAW then goes off the air with Punk laid out and Jericho standing tall holding the title over his head. Will I be disappointed if these does not happen? Of course not because I would just be setting myself up for that if I did. I am simply just going to sit back, relax and melo out, because that is what wrestling is all about.

Steve “The Melo Man” Melo
Facebook: MeloOutTJR
Twitter: @MeloOutTJR

—————

That’s a wrap for this week. I’ll bring back the Twitter Ten in Monday’s live Raw Deal and also next Saturday here in Canton’s Corner, so if you’re following me on Twitter (@johnreport) I’ll let you know when you can fire away with questions.

I’ll be back on Monday night at 9pmET on thejohnreport.net writing the Raw Deal live. It’s Punk vs. Ziggler for the WWE Title as well as the reveal of whoever is behind those “It Begins” videos. I think I’ll be marking out a bit for that. We’ll see. Once again, Happy New Year and thanks again for all of your continued support!

Thanks for reading.

John Canton – [email protected]
thejohnreport.net
Twitter @johnreport
Facebook Facebook.com/thejohnreportnet
Google Plus: John Canton or just type “John Canton” in the search.

Visit my 10+ year column archive at the Wrestling Oratory right HERE.

— Tampa Bay Times has published an article on former Florida Gator, Tampa Bay Storm player Thaddeus Bullard turned WWE NXT star Titus O’Neil. O’Neil discusses his upbringing, adjusting from the gridiron to professional wrestling, performing for tens of thousands of fans and more.

— CNBC sports business reporter Darren Rovell stated on Twitter that John Cena will be featured on three million boxes of Post’s Fruity Pebbles cereal over the next three months.

As part of the promotion, Post is holding a contest for one fan to meet John Cena, win “fantastic seats” to a WWE event and Cena gear.

— Matt Striker has replaced Jim Ross as host of the Monday Night Wars series on WWE Classics On Demand. The August 10, 1998 episodes of Raw and WCW Monday Nitro are currently airing.

*VIDEO* John Cena eats Fruity Pebbles ->

WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross has updated his blog, which you can read in its entirety over at JRsBarBQ.com. Here are some highlights of what JR wrote about:

Whether Mick Foley Can Wrestle: “Absolutely. However, I don’t think that Mick will return as a full-time or likely not even a part time wrestler. If we saw Mrs. Foley’s baby boy once or twice a year in his wrestling gear, I’d suggest that would be enough. There are so many positive things that Mick can do for WWE other than just wrestle.”

Legends House: “I see ‘trainwreck’ written all over this show especially when one considers the fact that the people chosen will be in the same house, isolated apparently from their loved ones, for likely 4-6 weeks. Being a reality show fan, I see amazing potential in this concept.”

Working With Joey Styles: “Will @JoeyStyles and JR ever call a match together?’ Likely not on weekly TV, but perhaps we might get to do something together on the WWE Network. We’ve discussed working together at some point when the platform and the time is right.”

Evan Bourne’s Wellness Policy Violation: “Obviously unfortunate for the talent. Two strikes are never good but I want to make it clear that I know zero details.. Nonetheless, this matter is being taken seriously as it should be and is terribly perplexing why a talent would travel the same road again.”

* Exclusive Details On Why EVAN BOURNE Was Suspended (NOT Drugs?)

(Source: JRsBarBQ.com)

The 242 Royal Rumble Preview!

Welcome, once again, to another weekly installment of the 242 Raw Re…wait, that’s not right.

Welcome, once again, to another semi-annual installment of a random 242 article!  As I’m sure you are all aware, it’s RUMBLIN’ SEASON, which marks my favorite time of the year next to March Madness, the Stanley Cup Playoffs, and the end of February.  Y’know, that time when coked out hookers realize that their rent is due 2 days earlier than usual and desperately drop prices.  They pass the savings on to you!

This year’s Rumble is more exciting than ever!  We’re back down to 30 combatants which, after last year, was a controversial move that upset absolutely no one!  The roster is filled with talent, fighting furiously for the opportunity of a lifetime, the chance to headline WrestleMania!  By headlining WrestleMania, we of course mean the participating in the third or possibly fourth most important match on the card!  It’s like kindergarten here, every match is a Main Event!

I’m so excited, I just can’t keep the words in.  It’s basically Tourette’s for wrestling.  So rather than write some sort of coherent article with a natural flow that’s pleasing to the reader, I’m just going to list a bunch of dudes on the roster and tell you some stuff that may or may not have to do with them.  Cool?  Cool.

The future starts…NOW!

They’re not in it, are they?

Below you shall find a list of wrestlers who Johnny Ace himself wouldn’t even refer to superstars.  Chance of one of them winning?  0.1%.  Chance of me writing about what would happen if they won just for fun?  100%!

Curt Hawkins – Kyle’s favorite of the bunch, last seen on actual real TV being demolished by some sort of disco dancing dinosaur (you laugh, but I did not make that up).  Curt shocks the world by eliminating Jey Uso after 20 minute showdown of mat-based wrestling skill.  Suddenly, JR goes berserk (fuck off, it’s my scenario I can have JR) as Vance Archer’s music hits!  Where did he come from!?  Why is he here!?  What does his music sound like anyway?  No one knows.  But can we say EPIC ‘MANIA FEUD!?!?

Hornswoggle – If history has shown us anything, it’s that if this thing goes down to Swogz and Sheamus, Swogz is going to WrestleMania.  His opponent, of course, is Tyrion Lannister from Game of Thrones.  Celebrities and midgets, c’mon, you think Vince is turning that down!?

Johnny Curtis – Upon victory, JC realizes that he has the same initials as Jesus, and resigns to use this inspiration to found the Church of Wait What’s The Point of NXT Again?

JTG – JTG wins the battle of stereotypes against Jinder Mahal, but…wait…what’s this?  Is that SHAD’S music!?  Actually I just did this joke.

Michael McGillicutty – The Marty Janetty to Otunga’s Shawn Michaels.  Read that sentence for a second, and let it soak in.  Yeah.  Otunga is Shawn Michaels.  I’m not even entertaining this one.

Trent Barreta – Trent? is left in the ring after a Randy Orton and Wade Barrett double elimination.  The fans don’t know who he is, but thankfully the name on the ass of his shorts solves that problem.  Years later, “Trent?” becomes the new “What?”

Tyler Reks – Reks finally becomes the dominant force we all know he can be, and is the first man to win the Rumble by actually throwing out 29 other guys.  Unfortunately, security sees the hippie dreadlocks and mistakes him for an Occupy protester.  Riot police ensure that we never seen poor Reks again, until his return as Robo-Reks of course, but that’s another story.

Tyson Kidd – The least attractive contestant to ever win the Rumble, Kidd is offered a title shot only if he undergoes facial reconstructive surgery.  He agrees, and is unfortunately operated on by Chyna’s plastic surgeon.  10 years and 3 amateur porn tapes later, Kidd still hasn’t received his title shot.

William Regal – The once mighty King Regal has been relegated to a list with Tyson Kidd and other guys I pretend I actually know about.  Regal decides “fuck this, I’m William fucking Regal”, goes rogue, and eliminates a shocked Heath Slater to win his dream of a WrestleMania main event.  He then goes on to face his former protege Daniel Bryan, and it’s a fantastic match, and NO ONE FUCKING COMPLAINS.  WHY WWE WHY!?!?

Yoshi Tatsu – After booking a tour to Japan, Yoshi Tatsu has the title thrown on him in a cheap attempt to draw a crowd that almost certainly would have come anyway.  Of course, I am just making light of silly internet allegations of the past.  Or are these allegations from an extraterrestial origin?  Ancient astronaut theorists believe that internet smarkiness may actually  be fueled by the aliens’ desire to bring back the Attitude Era…

Not bloody likely

These guys aren’t superstars either, but they make more money than you.  For this elite group, I will compare them whatever 80’s song they remind me of.

Alex Riley – “Are You Ready For the Sex Girls” by Gleaming Spires.  Mostly because his original gimmick was basically Stan Gable from Revenge of the Nerds.  And he should totally go back to that, because being a generic face sucks, and that movie had vajeje in it.

Epico – How about “epic NO!?!?”  HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.  Also “Epic” by Faith No More, because it’s in his name, and I’m not that creative.

Primo – “Anything by Menudo” by Menudo.  And how about “prim NO!?!?”  HAHAH….

Jey, Jimmy Uso – “Iko Iko” by Belle Stars.  Just to put that awful song in your head again.

Drew McIntyre – Wow, remember when this guy was the Chosen One?  Now I’m labelling him with “In A Big Country” by Big Country in a joke column.  Although I always felt that Drew looks like he should be the front man of a contemporary power metal band.  The kind that produce crazy guitar used for high difficulty songs in Rock Band and not much else.  I guarantee though that somehow, Drew could even make THAT boring.

Ezekiel Jackson – Smiley Slammy isn’t doing too much of either these days, and is instead exploring the wonders of hair growth.  But cheer up Smiles, I’m giving you “Hearts on Fire” by John Cafferty from the greatest movie ever made (Rocky IV), because you’re just the type of guy who can make noise in this thing.

David Otunga – “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by Wham!, because I hated it for a long time, but eventually came around and said “dammit this is catchy, but still terrible”.  Which is exactly how I feel about you, Mr. Hudson.

Evan Bourne – The obvious choice here is “You Spin Me Right Round”, but that’s a little too cool for Evan.  How about “Cry” by Godley & Creme?  It represents how I feel about the tag division.  

Goldust – “Express Yourself” by Madonna.  Seems appropriate.

Heath Slater – “All I Need is a Miracle” by Mike & The Mechanics.  Seems appropriate.

Hunico – “You Were Way Better As Sin Cara Negro” by ok I made that up.

The Great Khali – “Mad About You” by Belinda Carlisle.  Just add “having to be referred to as a former World Champion” to that title.

If everyone else fails the wellness test…maybe

This category is for the guys who actually get regular television time in some form, and might actually pretend to be a threat for several minutes before being eliminated by someone who’s actually famous.  Also, you can tell that the Rumble is reaching its climax once all the numbers have been drawn, and all of these guys have been eliminated, so use that as a measuring stick.

Brodus Clay – Because of my discontinued Raw review, I wasn’t able to express my flurry of emotions upon the Funkasaurus’ debut, but it went something like WTFIDUNNOOKAWESOME.  Seriously, who can complain about this gimmick?  Would you rather he come in as a generic monster heel, destroy jobbers for six weeks, feud with Kofi Kingston and then disappear into obscurity?  Or would you rather be entertained on a weekly basis, as he destroys jobbers for six weeks, feuds with Jinder Mahal and then disappears into obscurity while dancing?  You know my answer.

Anyway, I expect some fun out of Brodus, and a few immediate eliminations (his entrance is going to be a big deal), but not much else.

Jack Swagger – If he’s not defending the US championship, that is.  Given that his feud opponent is currently more involved with Cena/Kane/Eve/any 90’s horror movie director, I would expect Swagger to represent Team Vickie in the Rumble.  But unless the Swagger Soaring Eagle makes a cameo, I’m not interested.  I always feel bad for the guys with submission finishers in these things.

Jinder Mahal – Mahal has gone from “this guy might have some potential”, to “another foreign heel stereotype gimmick, really!?”, to “wait, why does he have an Indian accent now?”, to “underneath all that horrible gimmick bullshit, there might still be some potential”.  Unfortunately, we won’t see any of it this Sunday. 

Justin Gabriel – I want to like Justin, I really do, but I’m convinced that the WWE was his second choice after Project Runway turned him down.  To me, he seems like less of a good wrestler, and more of a guy who everyone thinks should be a good wrestler.  Having a “high flyer” style, without any speed or fluidity, isn’t a great combination.  If he doesn’t use this opportunity to pull off a Morrison-esque moment, he’s dead to me.  His career upside right now is basically this next guy…

Kofi Kingston – …yup.  Actually, I do really like Kofi in a tag-team role, and I wish the WWE would utilize  more mid-card talent (especially the faces) in this way.  I mean, it’s entertaining, it’s a division that needs to be rejuvenated, and if your writers are lazy there’s a built-in feud that can be pulled out at any time.  I also just realized that Evan would so be the heel in that feud, and that just made me a little giddy.  Anyway, there is ample room for a Kofi spot in this contest, so we can hope for that.

Mason Ryan – You can’t see it, but I’m actively trying to type this sentence around Cewsh’s growing boner.  This is awkward, let’s move on.

R-Truth – Probably the biggest name in this category, Truth has actually been teased as a possible winner of this thing, which has been met with groaning cynicism from everyone except possibly fans who are as crazy as he is.  Sorry Truth, you couldn’t draw in the height of your heeldom against John Cena, and now you’re basically Perry Saturn 2012.

Santino Marella – You know this guy, he’s the one on the posters.  That’s right, Santino Marella is selling you the Rumble.  That should be evidence that the damn thing sells itself.

To be honest, I’m not sure what to expect out of ‘tino this year.  Although he’s clearly comic relief, he’s also become so associated with the Rumble that there’s a legitimate running subplot here.  The crowd was ready to explode when he almost eliminated Del Rio last year (which, in hindsight, could have been a better way to go).  Then again, I believe he also holds the fastest “official” (read: kayfabe) elimination time (I’m sure MichaelC could tell you the real fastest time).  What do they do with him this year?  I really don’t know.  But it’s a way bigger deal than it should be, and I love it.

Ted DiBiase – Ted is basically the grown-up version of that douchey rich kid you remember, that no one really liked but people hung out with because he had a Sega CD.  His music brags about his family being rich, and women throwing themselves at him because of it.  His entire gimmick is based around buying his friends.  And he’s a face, meaning they expect you to cheer for this guy.  How can this fail?

Surprise!

I’m throwing up a disclaimer right now.  Surprises are one of my favorite parts of wrestling, and in today’s WWE, the Rumble is one of the few places where a significant surprise can happen.  So why rob myself of that feeling just for a slightly more accurate article that you’ve probably stopped reading by now?  Nope, like most things in life I did zero research for this, so enjoy my random throwing of names that follows.

Mick Foley – I hope this is the least surprising name on this list, because it was confirmed on Raw that he’s actually participating.  I can’t expect much (let’s just say his conditioning is probably less than stellar), but give me a chance to root for one of my favorite all-time hardcore heros and I’ll take it.

Booker T and/or Jerry Lawler – I group them together because they really fall in the “announcers who could throw the boots on at any time” sub-category.  And of the two, I’m sincerely pulling for Lawler, who has somehow become more entertaining as a wrestler than a commentator.  And that’s not a compliment.

Undertaker – No.  A Rumble return isn’t the way to do it.  After all, what does a Rumble victory accomplish for Taker?  A title shot?  Please.  This is the only man who can overshadow the title at WrestleMania just by showing up.  I don’t think we’ve seen the last of Taker, but I don’t think we’ll see him this soon.  If you had Michelle McCool at home, you’d be in no hurry to rush back either.

Mario Batali – Tell me you can’t picture him in tights and a mask, and I’ll tell you you’re a damn liar.

Brock Lesnar – People treat Brock’s return as a foregone conclusion.  I think that a part-time appearance is the best we could hope for, and even that’s pushing it.  Brock has unfortunately been dealing with health issues for the past several years, all the while competing in a rival sport with a lighter schedule.  His reasons for leaving were clear and sensible, and further, they make even more sense now than they did then.  Still, stranger things as happened, and this would indeed be a surprise.  To those not holding up “WELCOME BACK BROCK” or “I’M DRINKING A COORS LIGHT” signs, anyway.

RVD – Ok, I’ll admit it, I never watch TNA.  I know that as a wrestling writer that makes me ill-informed and sensible, and….wait…you don’t watch it either?  No one does!?  Wow…that makes me feel much better, thanks guys!

I have no idea if RVD is under contract to TNA or not, but with all the WWE rumors that have been going around lately (and the fact that he seems to remain on good terms with them, despite doing absolutely everything they normally hate), I’m putting him here because I can’t rule him out.  But I’m telling you, if he cut that awesome hair I am so out.

Lou Diamond Phillips – Who wouldn’t be down for the LDP!?